Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
