some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
