literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
