I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
