god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
handjob tips. give me some.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
