remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
