my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
