There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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