I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
