I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
