No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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