while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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