i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
