I feel like abortions should bother me more
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
