Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
