just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
