I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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