This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
