There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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