Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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