pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The power of my boobs compel you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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