I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
