Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
