my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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