i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
