I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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