i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
