Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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