Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love you. Go after that dick
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
