I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
