brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your penis caused this!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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