he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
