so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
