K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
