Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
