Me. At least after what I've been through.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
