yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
