Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
