The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
