Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
