yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
