i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
