I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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