Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
