My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
