How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
