i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do herpes really smell.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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