i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
