when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
