I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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