You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
