And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
