youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
