i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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